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Walking with grief. In memory of my husband and soulmate, Rich.

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Tag: Bereavement

Words that help

On June 9, 2019June 9, 2019 By HayleyLeave a comment

One of the grief tribe members asked me to write a blog about what to say to their profoundly grieving person. In my experience, explaining why certain things aren't helpful, rather than continuing to let people say unhelpful things, is a good thing, not least because those who genuinely care about your wellbeing will take …

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Pain

On May 14, 2019May 14, 2019 By Hayley1 Comment

Rich was constantly in pain from some of his NF2 tumours, especially the ones in his arms and legs. Often the pain was severe, and he'd have to go very quiet and just sit with the pain a little while, until it had eased off. He'd decided against taking pain killers because he knew he …

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Widow fishing

On April 20, 2019April 20, 2019 By HayleyLeave a comment

Every day, without fail, I have to block 'widow fishers' on Instagram. Sometimes it's just one or two, other times, like today for some reason, so far it's been more than five. If I'm 'lucky', they don't try and send me messages at the same time, but some do, and they go something like 'your …

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Soulmates

On April 18, 2019April 18, 2019 By HayleyLeave a comment

Rich was so much more than a husband. Many of you know that we considered ourselves soulmates from the moment we met, but from talking to others it seems that soulmate relationships are rare. Whilst Rich and I always knew that we had something special, this means that his death has had an impact that …

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Pain

On April 16, 2019April 16, 2019 By Hayley2 Comments

It's a myth, that profound grief diminishes. It's been eight months since Rich died, and I hurt, everywhere, just as much as I did the day that I had to walk out of the hospital a few hours after he'd died, knowing that I'd never get to hold him in person again. It still doesn't …

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Online support

On March 31, 2019March 31, 2019 By HayleyLeave a comment

Before Rich died, I'd tried to limit the amount of time I spent on social media. I'd deleted my Facebook account a few years ago, and all our holidays were digital detoxes. At most we'd whatsapp friends and family. After he died however, I knew instinctively that social media was going to help me, a …

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Books

On March 30, 2019March 30, 2019 By Hayley2 Comments

I'm a reader, always have been. Rich always used to gently tease me about the number of books I bought, and how the minute we'd started talking about the next place we wanted to visit together I'd bought every guide book on Amazon. But books are my thing, and although Rich needed to rest his …

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Brave

On March 28, 2019March 28, 2019 By HayleyLeave a comment

It's a word that I've heard a fair bit recently. That I'm "brave" for swimming in very cold water, or that I'm "brave" for walking in the mountains by myself. And each and every time it's said I want to respond "you don't understand", because I'm not doing these things to demonstrate courage, or fearlessness, …

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Treats

On March 17, 2019March 17, 2019 By HayleyLeave a comment

I noticed from the very beginning that when I display ‘positive’, ‘happy’, ‘ normal’ behaviour, I get rewarded by some people with treats - with compliments and words of encouragement designed to try and somehow show me that this devastation is an illusion. But when I display my grief and pain openly, those same people …

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Death humour

On March 12, 2019March 12, 2019 By Hayley5 Comments

Rich had a phenomenal sense of humour, and it stayed with him, no matter how much pain he was in or how poorly he felt. Whenever he was in hospital he kept the doctors and nurses amused with pure ‘Rich quips’, and even managed to crack jokes once the anaesthetic had worn off after surgery. …

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