One of the grief tribe members asked me to write a blog about what to say to their profoundly grieving person. In my experience, explaining why certain things aren't helpful, rather than continuing to let people say unhelpful things, is a good thing, not least because those who genuinely care about your wellbeing will take …
Tag: Widowed
Widow fishing
Every day, without fail, I have to block 'widow fishers' on Instagram. Sometimes it's just one or two, other times, like today for some reason, so far it's been more than five. If I'm 'lucky', they don't try and send me messages at the same time, but some do, and they go something like 'your …
Soulmates
Rich was so much more than a husband. Many of you know that we considered ourselves soulmates from the moment we met, but from talking to others it seems that soulmate relationships are rare. Whilst Rich and I always knew that we had something special, this means that his death has had an impact that …
Pain
It's a myth, that profound grief diminishes. It's been eight months since Rich died, and I hurt, everywhere, just as much as I did the day that I had to walk out of the hospital a few hours after he'd died, knowing that I'd never get to hold him in person again. It still doesn't …
Online support
Before Rich died, I'd tried to limit the amount of time I spent on social media. I'd deleted my Facebook account a few years ago, and all our holidays were digital detoxes. At most we'd whatsapp friends and family. After he died however, I knew instinctively that social media was going to help me, a …
Death humour
Rich had a phenomenal sense of humour, and it stayed with him, no matter how much pain he was in or how poorly he felt. Whenever he was in hospital he kept the doctors and nurses amused with pure ‘Rich quips’, and even managed to crack jokes once the anaesthetic had worn off after surgery. …
Words that hurt
Words that hurt: happiness, joy. Phrases that hurt: 'Rich would want you to be happy', 'I hope you're enjoying...', 'May you find peace', 'this will help you heal', 'try and find something to smile about today'. Phrases that help: 'tell me about Rich', 'don't hold it in', 'just be you', 'you are hurting', 'I wish …
Connecting with others
Connecting with others, has kept me alive. Fortunately there were already a few special people in mine and Rich's lives who instead of saying 'I can't imagine', actually allowed themselves to imagine what the devastation of losing a soulmate would feel like, despite never having experienced such loss themselves, and have walked alongside me ever …
Why I don’t like Summer
Today has been an unseasonably warm day. I don't like warm days. Here's why. The heat of an exceptionally hot night was one of the triggers for the seizure that caused Rich's heart to stop. We always tried desperately to keep the bedroom cool, and he'd drink water throughout the night to stay hydrated, but …
Introduction to walking with grief
At the end of July 2018, my world imploded when Rich, my husband and soulmate, unexpectedly passed away at the age of 37. Since meeting ten years ago, we'd become inseparable. We discussed marriage on our first date, and felt immediately that we'd become one. We lived for each other. Whilst Rich had been born …
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