Rich had a phenomenal sense of humour, and it stayed with him, no matter how much pain he was in or how poorly he felt. Whenever he was in hospital he kept the doctors and nurses amused with pure ‘Rich quips’, and even managed to crack jokes once the anaesthetic had worn off after surgery. …
Words that hurt
Words that hurt: happiness, joy. Phrases that hurt: 'Rich would want you to be happy', 'I hope you're enjoying...', 'May you find peace', 'this will help you heal', 'try and find something to smile about today'. Phrases that help: 'tell me about Rich', 'don't hold it in', 'just be you', 'you are hurting', 'I wish …
Connecting with others
Connecting with others, has kept me alive. Fortunately there were already a few special people in mine and Rich's lives who instead of saying 'I can't imagine', actually allowed themselves to imagine what the devastation of losing a soulmate would feel like, despite never having experienced such loss themselves, and have walked alongside me ever …
The importance of place and space
Certain places and types of space have always been very important to Rich and I. We crave remote, austere, wildscapes over chocolate box landscapes, and would pore over walking guidebooks, deliberately looking for the places on the map that weren't mentioned, knowing then that they'd be quiet, off the beaten track, and very 'Rich and …
Why I don’t like Summer
Today has been an unseasonably warm day. I don't like warm days. Here's why. The heat of an exceptionally hot night was one of the triggers for the seizure that caused Rich's heart to stop. We always tried desperately to keep the bedroom cool, and he'd drink water throughout the night to stay hydrated, but …
The physicality of profound grief
I'll write lots about how profound grief feels emotionally in the not too distant future, but today I wanted to talk about the physical aspects of grief. About the way that our bodies change, inside and out, in every way. I now look very different to how I did before Rich fell ill. I don't …
Introduction to walking with grief
At the end of July 2018, my world imploded when Rich, my husband and soulmate, unexpectedly passed away at the age of 37. Since meeting ten years ago, we'd become inseparable. We discussed marriage on our first date, and felt immediately that we'd become one. We lived for each other. Whilst Rich had been born …
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